is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
