i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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