Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
