Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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