So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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