You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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