So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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