I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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