Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
