I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
