Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
