I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
