Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
