Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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