It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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