This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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