I think im going to throw up on grandma
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
