Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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