So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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