I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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