Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
