I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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