walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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