The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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