This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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