I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
