So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
