The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
