So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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