awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
