You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
