Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
