Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
