For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize