She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
