well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Swine flu is the new snow day.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
