PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
