i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
