Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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