the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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