I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
