I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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