hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
