I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My penis needs a shock collar
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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