Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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