cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
