I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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