just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
