I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
