I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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