and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
