I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
