My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
