They should really pass out barf bags in church
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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