legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sext me about skeletons
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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