my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
