Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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