she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
