There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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