your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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