Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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