bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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