I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
