My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
