I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
