I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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