even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
