I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
